you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
