I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
