Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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