a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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