You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
