Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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