You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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