but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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