I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
