i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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