Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
