I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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