Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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