OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
