I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
