please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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