Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
