Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
