i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this just has baby written all over it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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