I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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