i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
