the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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