how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
