we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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