eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
