Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
