So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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