How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh god it's open bar.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
