I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
