you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
