The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
