batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
