I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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