I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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