I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
