Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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