i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
