We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
