All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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