Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
