I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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