Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
