I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
