and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
