In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
