Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Houston, we have a squirter
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
