Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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