I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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