I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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