when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
