let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
