When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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