I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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