so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
