I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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