She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
