I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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