So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
