and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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