we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
