Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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