Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
