sarcasm needs its own font
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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